Well I have had an eventful couple of weeks, some good things happened and some very annoying things have happened!
The first thing that I suppose has effected a lot of my issues, is the fact that I fractured a bone in my foot during class four weeks ago now. I couldn't believe that I had done it! I have never broken a bone in my life and now when I need my feet for work I go ahead and do that!!! Angry and foolish are the first two words that spring to mind!
So after been issued with my Moon Boot (that's what the Scene One students called it) I thought at least I'm not in cast, it could be worse, the only thing I couldn't do was drive! As a result of not being able to drive I haven't made any of my Cultural NL classes for four weeks and I am truly starting to miss all the students that I teach there and it makes me realise how lucky I am to have a job that I truly love and enjoy going to every week.
I have been.. sort of.... evaluating my life ever since I had this moon boot placed, ever so painfully, on my foot. I don't know if it is because I have had time to sit and think but I definitely have been thinking.... a lot!
I know I have said before that I do want to be actress and I do want to pursue that dream until it happens but part of me thinks that I need to be practical........I can't give my children (when they come) everything I want them to have not having the security and the knowledge that my job makes enough for what they need. This conflicting feeling has been bouncing around inside my head ever since we moved into our house. It made me think that I am no longer one person, I now part of my own family. I need to provide for myself and for Paul so that we can achieve everything we want in life. It does sound rather deep but it is true.
On a great day out, One of my longest and dearest friends gave me reassurance that these feelings were ok and that everyone of her friends are feeling the same. She said something really obvious that made me feel instantly better, she said that everyone is searching for that perfect vocation that gives them the amount of money needed to provide for their family but also fulfils their dreams in life. She also never tells me a lie and always helps me make the right decisions (so I know it is right thing to do) As we sat in the bean scene eating our lunch I realised that being a teacher and a performer is the right way for me to go. Its the best of both worlds, I get to pass my passion and knowledge onto people who respect it and also satisfy my creative mind.
This is when my NEW dream was born, I want to become a drama teacher within secondary schools.
It is something I have toyed with for a while but I now realised it is MY perfect vocation. The tough part is obviously going to be getting back into University and not just any University, Edinburgh University.
It will be a challenge but hopefully will all the support around me I'll make it come true.